Red Alert, Red Alert!!

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Before continuing any further, please note that I'm giving you a warning, a warning that this post is about to get a little PG-13!! 

Now that we got that little business out of the way, let's continue.  
A week ago, Terry and I decided we didn't want to be white transparent anymore.  And since we rescheduled our Vday trip for this month, he decided we needed to get our tan on, quickly. (I'm sure Marshall Ramsey is shaking his head at me right now!) There is only one place in Meridian that has the high pressure beds (gives you your base tan in 4 visits without burning) and it's not cheap.  But, Terry thought it was important enough that we get some "color" so we aren't the "white" kids pool side.  

So, last Tuesday was the first visit.  Basically, it's a lay down bed — you lay on your back for 15 minutes and then turn over for the other 15 minutes.  The best part, it doesn't burn you... no matter how white you are.  We aren't newcomers to the tanning experience.  We've tanned at regular tanning beds for years and with those, I prefer the stand up bed.  

Now, this is where detail comes into play.  God decided to humor himself and bless me with some big ole knockers.  (I'm pretty sure Terry thanks him daily for them.) And, if they are God given (not man-made) and they are that big... they have to be tamed.  When released from the brassiere, well, gravity sets in (where did my teenage years go?).  So, while tanning standing up is great, you can imagine the "little" white circles on your stomach from where they "rest" after you start getting some color.  However, with the lay down beds — they still feel the need to go "move about."  One goes to the left, the other to the right.  Leaving some very tender skin that NEVER sees sunlight to be exposed.  ***Disclaimer:  Dalewood, Okatibbee and Archusa do not have nude beaches.  Yes, we have a lot of rednecks in Mississippi (I'm proud to be one on most days) but going topless isn't appreciated here in the south.***

Tonight was visit number 5 and while we both could pass for Mexicans right now, we still have 3 more visits left.  Only, that little patch of skin between the bosoms feels like I have little tiny needles prickling my skin.  I've been slapping lotion on every few minutes trying to calm it down.  But you know what they said, it takes pains to be beautiful!!  Tomorrow morning, I'll wake up and the minor irritation that I'm having tonight will be gone and I'm certain to get out of the shower and still be amazed at how much darker I am now than I was a week ago.  Technology, gotta love it!!

It's March y'all!  The countdown til our beach vacation is on... 3 months and counting  Wonder how dark we will be by then!!


  1. HAHAHA!!! I love it! I have the same problem with the lay down beds. I'm just glad I have a pool at home that I can get in during the summer and manage my white spots. I started using Jergens Natural Glow lotion to blend my spots.

  2. I am laughing so hard!! I have the same problem and along with the over exposed tender middle I also never get sun on the two sides where they roll under my arm pits!! Someone should get crafty and invent a device to hold them in place while tanning!


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