The past two months have been full of ups and downs. Mainly ups, and we'll just blame the hormones for the downs.
As I mentioned in my previous post, our Dr wanted me in for blood work the day after we got our positive test. I went after lunch and as I sat in the waiting room seeing all the pregnant ladies around the room I started day dreaming about what the next few months would bring. The blood test was easy and I was in an out in a few minutes. Of course, you don't get your results back until the next day so that can be (and always is) stressful.
If you remember I said I bought two packs of tests — one package of two digital tests and one package of two regular tests. Since I had two tests (one of each) left, once I got home from the Dr I decided to take both of them. Why? I've been asked this question a few times... I just wanted to take them to have another regular test to keep. Just a little FYI — the digital tests don't last forever. They maybe stay lit up for a day or two. Anyway, I took the regular test first and waited my three minutes. I came back to the test and lost it. It didn't show a positive reading. Freaking out, I grabbed the other digital test and took it and three minutes later it came back positive. Now, knowing that I wouldn't get my test results back until the next day — I was pretty much panicking. Was I? Was I not? Why did one come back negative?
I immediately picked up the phone and called Darby. I needed someone to talk to. I needed someone who understands me to calm me down. And I can honestly say she's my rock and prayer warrior throughout this pregnancy. She assured me that since I had gotten three positives out of four that I was indeed pregnant. She also talked me out of my panic attack and helped to calm my fears.
The next day, I got the call after lunch with my results. The tests results showed my pregnancy hormone was at 47 which she said, yes, you are pregnant. But my progesterone level was pretty low. So I was called in progesterone to start taking immediately to get that level back up. My level was at 7.5 and my Dr wanted me around the 15 mark. After finding out that CVS couldn't get the medicine in for a few days, and that my insurance didn't cover it — I started panicking again. I called the nurse back and she said she would call me back with another solution. A few minutes later she had called my prescription in to a compound pharmacy and they would have it ready that day. Only it isn't a pill you swallow. It has to be inserted at night and I have to lay down for the night as soon as it's in. TMI — maybe but I want to be as upfront an honest as I can because if someone else is going through this, I want them to know they are not alone.
We had decided that we weren't going to tell our parents for a while. But after getting the news about my levels, I knew I needed extra prayers for me and the baby. So I called my mom. I could hear the excitement in her voice and she could hear the panic in mine. I've been told over and over and over again that I need to always think positively, but after getting that news my mind instantly went to a negative place. A place just seven months ago I was in and never wanted to be in again.
To this day, I'm still on the progesterone. Our Dr told me at our next appointment that she will probably take me off of it.
For the first three weeks of knowing I was pregnant, I went to the Dr almost every other day for blood work. And every time I prayed for the pregnancy hormone to always be up. Seeing my phone light up with my Dr's name and number always made my heart skip a beat. But our God is so good, and my levels were up doubling and tripling every time. Even hearing my numbers were up would still make me cry. Why? I couldn't stop worrying. I had my heart guarded because I didn't want it to be broken again.
On July 24th, we had our first ultrasound and official Dr's appointment. We made it early in the morning because I knew I couldn't go through the day worrying. My parents were here, and I'm pretty sure they were both praying the entire time we were there. Fortunately, our ultrasound was first, and we were called back almost as soon as we signed in. I'm sure my blood pressure and heart rate was insanely high because I was a nervous wreck. As a matter of fact, I couldn't even look at the TV screen — I just kept praying for God's will to be done. As soon as I heard the Mr's voice say, "look at the screen, there's our baby" I felt a peace come over me. I opened my eyes and saw our sweet little one (our peanut as the tech called him or her) and the fluttering of the heart. Again, all I could do was say thank you, thank you! I cried, and cried some more. And then had to sit out in the waiting room for what seemed like an eternity to meet with our Dr. She gave us hope and told us she'd see us again in two weeks for another ultrasound.
Our next ultrasound appointment was late in the afternoon. I didn't (and still don't) like having them that late in the day because it gives me too much to think about. Thankfully Darby had been up most of the night and morning finding things to send me to read and explore to keep my mind off of the waiting. She did a great job, too. I didn't have any time to be nervous or worried until we walked in the waiting room. Then my heart rate started racing. We didn't have to wait long and we were back there with our same sweet tech. It wasn't long before our little one was back on the screen turning flips for us. She had a hard time getting a good measurement because he or she was moving around so much. The baby finally slowed down the movements and she got a heart rate of 171. Praise the Lord. What did I do, I cried and said another prayer of thanks! During our ultrasound she showed up the buds for the arms and legs, and the brain and spine. Amazing to see it all, but even more amazing that it was all really happening for us. Our Dr wanted us back again in two weeks, but she said no ultrasound just the doppler next visit. I protested and asked (more like begged) for another ultrasound. She said she'd play by my rules this time.
On August 21st, we went in for our appointment. The Monday before that, I had a bad day. Basically the only way to describe my days are — I have about 3 or 4 good days where I'm confident in everything and then have a day where I cry and worry about it all. I would even doubt my feelings or thoughts about the pregnancy. So going into this appointment, I was extremely nervous. We walked in the ultrasound room and our tech said we're going to have a look on top of your belly today. I turned and looked at the Mr in a complete daze. Were we already at that stage? What if it didn't work? She saw the fear on my face and reassured me that if she couldn't get anything this way she would do it like we had had them before, vaginally. But, y'all... even though she was pressing pretty hard and I was about to wet my pants, the pressure I felt instantly went away when we saw our little one. Only our little one was kicking and wiggling all around, even bouncing sometimes. And this baby definitely has his or her daddy's feet. We even saw he or she waving at us and she said at one point he or she was sucking it's thumb. Crazy, right? I could have laid there and watched all day long. The heart rate was 165, and measured two days ahead. Hallelujah! And you guessed it, I cried and prayed just like I had done the other times.
We were called back pretty quick to see our Dr and she said, the tech has put on the last two ultrasounds that this baby is very active. she then gave us the news we'd been praying for everyday... she said that the cranial and the heart had all completely formed and she saw no reason to keep us on her high risk list. And she was officially moving us to low risk. Wow... our God is SOOO good.
I can honestly say that was the first time I came home and actually started talking about the baby and the future. Slowly I am letting my guard down and letting it all sink in that everything is really happening, and that everything might actually be okay.
I'll tell you that I haven't had the symptoms that you read about online. That concerned me, a lot. But our Dr told me that not every pregnancy is the same and not everyone has all or the same symptoms. And that it doesn't mean that I'm not just as pregnant as the ones with them are. It's taken me weeks to finally let that all sink in. I've also been extremely blessed to have four sweet friends who have been right by my side (through texts) who have been constantly praying for us and this little one. Each have encouraging words for me and it sends a peace over me knowing that they are praying for us.
We go in two weeks for our next appointment. She won this time with the no ultrasound. She said she really wanted us to hear the heartbeat, so we will just do the doppler. And in October, we find out if we'll be going with pink or blue. We're excited to find out, but we honestly don't have a preference on the gender. We are just so happy that everything is going good, and that in a few months we will be holding our little one. How amazing it is to know that God's gift to us could turn our world upside down is the best way possible. We love this baby more than anyone can imagine. But our God loves this baby even more than us. It's hard to comprehend, but I'm so thankful for our faith in Him. And we are extremely thankful and grateful for all of you who are praying for this little one. It means so much to us, and we know all of our prayers are being heard!
***All the photos were snapped with my phone, sorry for the quality of the photos.***
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