I've thought about this post for a long time, and today I finally feel like putting the words from my heart on the blog.
Social media — I love it. I love it so much that my job IS social media. But, I also love it from a personal stand point.
Let me go back to 2006 when I took my first step into the social media world. I joined Facebook. And then I joined Myspace. Anyone remember that one? Yeah, that craze lasted all of about two seconds. But, the world of Facebook stayed strong. Since then we've added twitter, instagram, and many others. It's become my source of news and entertainment, where I keep up with family and friends, and like I said, it's my job.
My husband and I share our social media accounts. He and I both have the apps on our phones, and both get notifications of likes, comments, etc from all of them. I tend to share a lot of photos of our little girl. I tried to slow down the amount of photos/videos I post of her, but I was asked repeatedly to post more. Since we don't live in the same town as our family and most of our friends, they love being able to see her multiple times a day. And, let's be honest... she's pretty adorable, so who wouldn't want to see her all the time?
Before she was conceived — I had a hard time looking at social media and seeing all the babies, baby bumps, and even reading about their pregnancies, births and birthdays. It hurt, because I wanted all of those things in my life. And, when someone would say they were ready for their baby to hurry up and be born because they were tired of being pregnant, I would say, I would give anything for that to be me. When someone would post their house looked like a toy box exploded, I would say, I would give anything for that to be me. Reading that someone was up all night with their baby because he or she wouldn't sleep and they just wanted sleep. I would say, I would give anything for that to be me. I wanted more than anything to have those experiences.
I knew I always wanted to be a mom. From playing with baby dolls as a child, to babysitting as a teenager, before I got married, and especially after meeting my now husband for the first time... I wanted to be a mom. Our first pregnancy ending so soon in a miscarriage left me brokenhearted. My husband would catch me crying all the time, especially getting a negative pregnancy test. For six months (which I know is not a long time compared to some who have been trying to years and years) I longed to get pregnant again. I longed to experience all those things people were "complaining about" and it hurt to read what I thought others were taking for granted.
Now that I am a mom of a little girl who will be 3 months old this coming Tuesday, I'd like to reevaluate those thoughts I had before I was blessed with our gift from above.
I was scared out of my mind when I saw that positive pregnancy test. And I'll be honest, I didn't relax until I was 18 weeks when I felt her moving inside me for the first time. After feeling her inside me, and seeing that everything was going great with her at the anatomy scan, I started to really enjoy my pregnancy. I never voiced my anxieties on social media for the world to read, but if I would have, would people think I wasn't grateful for this gift from above? Because that was the furtherest thing from my mind. Towards the end of my pregnancy, I started getting really uncomfortable. But at the same time, I loved it and didn't want it to end. I never voiced my need to have her asap on social media, but when people would ask me... I would tell them I was more than ready. Did that mean I wasn't blessed and overjoyed to be pregnant? Absolutely not!
And now that she's here, we've experienced a lot of first, and some have been repeated over and over again. My house isn't clean and put together like it used to be. I've not slept a full night of sleep since I was just a few months pregnant. Sometimes I'm starving, but she's crying because she's hungry or sleepy. So I skip a meal or eat later, or in shifts to make sure she is taken care of. I've even slacked on my blogging because she would rather be held that put down. Does that sound like I'm complaining, because I'm not. I love each and every one of the things I mentioned above. Now, I'll admit I do look forward to her sleeping through the night so I can get a full night of rest, but then I won't have early morning snuggle times with just the light of a lamp. I know I'll miss it one day.
I guess the point I'm trying to make is, I've experienced both the longing, and the joys of motherhood. I've "paid my dues" to be able to post pictures of my baby girl all over social media. And I won't say I'm sorry about it, either. I remember how it felt to open up instagram or read a blog and feel the pain and sadness because someone else had what I wanted. I remember thinking it was a slap in the face when someone would get pregnant on their "first try." But I was always happy for them. Just because I wanted it to be me didn't mean I wasn't overjoyed for them. I remember reading their "complaints" about no sleep, baby gear every where, etc and thinking they just weren't grateful for what they have. But now that I'm a mom, I know how they feel, and it doesn't mean they aren't grateful for that little one.
If you are the me a year ago... please don't hate me for overloading your social media with tons of baby pictures. I've waited a long time to be able to do this. And know that one day, you will be filling my feeds with your sweet bundle of joy, and I can't wait to "like" and "comment" on each and every one of them!
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