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Wednesday, February 8, 2023

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, but today it really hit home. And I always find that I can best describe what I'm feeling with typing it out. So, here's my POV from a mom of girls in elementary school in a town where I didn't grow up.

I already know I'm going to get the "you've got to get involved" speech from someone, so I'm here to stop it head on and say, "I don't need to hear that right now." I just need to get this all out, and if there is something helpful you'd like to add — I'd love to listen.

Today, I was waiting in line to pick Avery up from her school choir practice. I saw two moms that parked and were chatting it up with each other. I couldn't hear their entire conversation, nor was I trying too, but I could tell they were old friends.

I've come to realize that in this BIG school community that we live in, I'm an outsider looking in. I've gotten involved with the PTO and volunteer whenever I can so I can be a part of my girl's school. I'm thankful I've gotten to know a few moms and staff this way, and I'm very thankful for the opportunity. But I'm still an outsider. None of those moms have kids in my girl's classes.

I didn't grow up here. I went to a very small county school and usually each grade had about three or four classes total in each grade. Each year I may not have been in the same class with every single classmate I had before, but I had multiple friends each and every year with me in my classes. Friends that I had from preschool throughout high school and college. 

We moved to this area almost eleven years ago to better ourselves and give our future kids a life that had more opportunity than we had in our small city/county. But as I watched those two moms today, I realized I don't have that group of friends I went to school with and have kids together in the school system. I'm an outsider. And since our school system is quite large, my daughters have had maybe one classmate each year in their class from their previous year and it's usually not someone they connected with. It's hard for them to make friends and keep those friends when they pour into a friendship, and then the following year they don't have the same schedule as those friends. 

This also makes it hard for me. Yes, poor pitiful me. I've always heard that your adult friends comes from your child's friend's parents. They hang out so you hang out. How do you form those friendships when each year it's different?

We love our church. Once covid hit in 2020, we became uninvolved serving. We had left our small group about a year before that. In our opinion it became cliquish and we weren't in the clique. I'm sure most will tell us we need to get back involved. But it's hard — you can say we don't want to get left out again.

I think today it just hit home that while we've lived here for years, I still feel like we are newbies trying to find our place and where we fit in. I've seen on fb mom groups where someone will say, "hey, new here and looking for friends." I'm not that outgoing or willing to put myself out there like that. But, I understand where they are coming from. I feel like I need to get a google doc together and let people interview (if anyone would apply). Cause you know there is gonna need to be a checklist of things I don't do, and if you check yes — well, I'd have to throw it out.

Maybe I'll just buy a new book to read. Then maybe I won't have to put myself out there.

Got any good book suggestions?

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